I research alot on the internet. I like to know whats out there in terms of what to do with my kids, how to keep them entertained, what to cook for them, the list goes on and on. So I’m online ALOT! And my kids have certainly picked up on that and now want to play with mummies laptop on a daily basis. It’s not that I don’t play with them – it’s just I don’t play with them all day. They are pretty independant kids even at this age and I want to foster that because I think its important.
I have worked since I was 10 so becoming a stay at home mum was a big change for me. When my boys were only a few months old, my husband lost his job and we really struggled so I went back to work. At the time it was the best and the worst thing for us. The income meant that we could continue to pay our bills and live, and being away from my kids even for a few hours was great as it made me really miss them and want to go home. I went back to my old job, who were very keen to have me back, and was able to work my own hours which was what we needed. We fit in my hours around the jobs my husband was able to pick up and asked my mother in law to do a few hours every couple of weeks to fill in the gap. It worked, sort of. Our marriage really suffered from our lack of time together, my mother in law had to leave by a certain time to ‘miss traffic’ and I feared I would miss all my twins firsts. When a major issue at work meant that I had to work three 14 hour days in a row I knew it was time to resign. I plugged at it for a few more weeks while my husband secured a permanent casual role, until my one of my kids got so sick they ended up in hospital. That was it for me, I knew I needed to be a full time mum! My work was disappointed but understood.
So I get bored being home all day. Very bored! I sat down and thought about it the other night and the last time I was away from my kids was almost 6 months ago. They go everywhere with me, which is great, but also does get to me at times. I miss being able to dash out to the shops and grab something, or being able to go do something with hubby just because. And most of all I miss ME time. Yep I said it, ME time. I am a selfish mum, at least from what I’ve been reading recently! I give my kids all my time and all my love, all I want is sometime to myself. But according to some that’s not ok. Which personally I think is just nuts.
I respect people’s decisions of how to raise they’re kids, even though I don’t always agree with them. But I get judged alot, from friends, family and strangers and I often wonder whether its because I have twins or is it because of the way I look or act? I’ve had people say ‘oh those poor babies’ when I’ve been at the supermarket in the evening by myself, just standing there staring at me. It hurt…. alot. I get the ‘double trouble’ all the time and then at the other end of the spectrum I get ‘super mum.’ Then I get the extremely personal questions about whether they were natural or through IVF and whether or not I breastfed.
I’ve learnt to say yes to every question I get asked – people have already assumed how you are going to answer and don’t tend to listen to what I say anyway, so my standard answer is yes. So far even when yes isn’t an appropriate answer I’ve found that people just keep talking. I wish I was one of those people who could just say sorry I don’t have time to stand and chat, I have things to do.
There is alot of information out there and I think its fine to read it all but you can’t follow what other people say to the letter. I have had a lot of people say to me you must read this book or that book, and I read a few while I was pregnant and I refer to some of them occassionally but I just try to do what I think is right for my family. I’ve heard lots of people drive themselves nuts trying to follow these books exactly. They are one persons point of view, they don’t know you or your situation. I often get asked my opinion by fellow mums of twins and by other mums of single babies who seem to think I know it all and do it effortlessly (which I don’t!) and I tell them what worked for me but I always tell people that they need to find what works for them. Everyone is different – that’s what makes the world interesting, so if something doesn’t work move on and try something else.