Reaching my limit

So it’s been almost a week since my last blog post.  In that time I have been so unwell I ended up in hospital, my husbands little run about car has completely died (needs a new engine so bye-bye car) and we have attended a family wedding.

To say I am exhausted is such an understatement.  I have hit my physical, emotional and mental limit in the last few days and have been craving time and peace.  But when you have twin toddlers that does not come easily.  Thankfully my time in hospital was only short and although I am still not better (fingers crossed I feel better by the end of this week) I weirdly appreciated my time in hospital.  I know hospital is a place that no one wants to be, least of all me – I actually have a lot of bad associations with hospitals and will usually point blank refuse to go, but this time I was ready to go.  And my experience was actually really pleasant.  It was the first time in such a long time that anything was about me.  The nurses and doctors look after you, it’s quiet, it’s tidy and there’s no children demanding your attention.  I am well aware that you are all thinking that I am crazy but the time in hospital was what I needed (except for the needles which really hurt!!!).

So as I’m still not well I have been trying to rest at home.  Let me tell you it’s not working.  The wedding we attended was lovely but I was really not well enough to enjoy it or feel anything but sick and stressed and it’s very hard to manage a wedding with small children.  Thankfully our boys have always been very well behaved at these sorts of events so were quiet for most of the ceremony and managed to stay amused for a couple of hours at the reception (until I decided we had all had enough and it was time for home).  We had so many people comment about how well behaved the boys were that I felt I needed a sign that read ‘thank you,’ as I had no voice for most of the evening and was straining to try and be polite.

Add to my lack of rest is the fact that we now have to rely on only one car, so anything that I have to do has to be done first thing in the morning before hubby goes to work and takes my car.  Due to his hours and how far away from home he works public transport is not an option, so until we can work out finances for a new (second-hand) car and find one that’s within our very minimal budget we will have to get by on just my car.  No idea how that is going to work at this stage but while I’m still sick it doesn’t really matter as I’m not that keen on going out anyway!

Hopefully this is it for our bad luck but who knows, I’m just trying to take it as it comes now and deal with one hurdle at a time as I can’t afford to get anymore stressed.

Rollercoaster

My life is honestly feeling like a bit of a rollercoaster at the moment, hence why I haven’t been blogging as much as I once was.  I’m just feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment with all my responsibilities and I know I should really cut back but honestly I don’t know what to cut.  My family (including extended family) is not an option obviously, but I have several volunteer commitments that do require a large amount of time, knowledge and skill.

I’m not one to complain too much, but what I wouldn’t give for a holiday!  But as anyone with kids can tell you a holiday is not really a holiday, its just a change of location with all the same motherly duties.  So as nice as the idea of a holiday sounds, in reality it seems a little pointless.  And besides all that we really don’t have the money.  A holiday is a luxury we certainly can’t afford.  But I can still dream about it!

So in the meantime its the challenge of what can I do to alleviate my stress, while I have the boys, usually screaming in my ear.  And all the while still keep on top of everything that I am juggling.  Some days I think it would just be easier to go back to work!!  Now if I could get paid for my volunteer roles life would be perfect.  Yet again, I can dream.

I think tonight will be a long night but hopefully tomorrow will be a good day.