So I posted the other day about the reality of having children and how we want another child. I thought I’d share a little more about my experience today.
As I said my first babies were hard, it was a massive learning curve, not just because it was twins but because it was my first child! I honestly didn’t know what I was doing and I didn’t have the support around me that some other people are lucky to have. When people ask me whether they should say yes to offers of help from family and friends I always say that you need to do what you feel comfortable with. Simply because the reality is that if your a control freak then other people will probably hinder you more than help you. And if you have family issues they can seem a lot worse and be much more stressful when you are trying to cope with a new baby on little to no sleep.
As much as I would have liked help and support I am a very proud person and probably would have rejected it anyway. I am not known for asking for help and many people see that as my downfall. Realistically when I am really in trouble I do ask for help but other than that I like to try and work things out on my own. I am independent and getting married and having children has not changed that. In the almost year and a half since we had the boys I have faced a lot of criticism from strangers, friends and family. It has been pretty awful at times, with me feeling like a failure as a mother. There have been lots of tears shed by me and the boys. But through it all I have learnt so much!
I’ve learned that everyone parents differently. That there is no right or wrong way. That you have to shut out the noise of other people. And that people are extremely judgemental. Mostly I’ve learned to trust my instincts.
Whether you breast feed or bottle feed, co-sleep or use cots, use dummies or not, is completely up to you. Do not let anyone ever bully you into doing something you are not comfortable with. It is hard, believe me I know. People tried to push me around but my little family did not work following books or other peoples advice. My family worked when I listened to my babies and trusted myself. No one knows your situation, no one is you and no one knows your child as well as you. If something isn’t working, then change it, try something else. Keep trying things until you find something that works.
Keep your head up because we are all learning.
KCMS 